Your big fat Brooklyn birthday dinner 🥳
Sparkly & spacious restaurants where you can cry if you want to.
My birthday is in November. It’s not too close to Thanksgiving and the temperature is always a bit warmer than I think it will be. I’m content with the date, but a small part of me has always wondered what having a hot, sweaty summer birthday feels like. There’s something sort of magical about school being out, birthday parties that are also pool parties and sticking candles into a sweet, in-season strawberry shortcake.
But I’ve gotten a lot of texts these past few weeks from friends with birthdays in July and August asking where to go for a group birthday dinner, meaning I got to spend some time cosplaying as someone planning a summer birthday celebration. To keep this list from getting too wild, it’s focused on Brooklyn restaurants only, though I did sneak something in from another borough because it really is the ultimate birthday dinner spot.
Oh, and one more thing about birthday dinners. Leave your birthday cakes at home. Slices always get wasted on people who only wanted one bite and most of these restaurants have desserts worth ordering anyways. Save the cake for a bar after dinner instead — that way you can bring any leftovers home to eat when you’re hungover the next day. More on that later…
FOR DINNER
Bamonte’s is a wonderful place to host your birthday dinner. Every time I walk into the dining room and see the walls full of memorabilia, red carpeting and white tablecloths, I feel like I’m in Goodfellas. The waiters are all older Italian men, the portions are huge and there’s something on the menu for everyone. Fried zucchini or calamari. Spaghetti with meatballs or garlicky clams. Chicken or eggplant parm. Dirty or espresso martinis. Nothing is exceptional, but that’s not really the point of Bamonte’s. This is a place where nobody minds if you’re laughing too loud or one too many drinks deep.
Things to know: They’re old school — you have to call for a reservation.
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Just a few blocks away is Bernie’s, where there are still huge portions, but of incredibly delicious food. Their cheeseburger’s seeded and buttered bun, cold and crunchy mound of shredded lettuce and extra tangy spread reminds me of a luxury Double-Double. I also love the icy Caesar salad and the kitchen tongs its served with, the crispy, stretchy, molten mozzarella sticks, saucy vinegar chicken and mint chip brownie sundae.
Things to know: Bernie’s claims to not take reservations, no matter the occasion or party size. I still think it’s worth shooting their team a DM or email. If you don’t have luck with that, don’t lose hope — I’ve seen large parties show up when the doors open (at 5pm Tuesday-Thursday and 4pm Friday-Sunday) and be seated immediately. If you are met with a queue, put your name down, get some bottles of wine and drink them in McCarren Park while you wait.
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Also within walking distance is Bonnie’s, which is arguably the most difficult of the triple-B triangle to get into. Still, the food here is so good, the staff so fun and the energy so charged that it’s worth trying. Yes, the cha siu rib sandwich is as sweet, smoky and addictive as you've heard it is. The Panda Express-style shrimp with crunchy, caramelized walnuts are a sleeper hit, and so is the creamy sesame tossed chrysanthemum leaf salad. I really like the wine list here too. I always end up with a glass of something a little funky and very tasty. You must order at least one chow nai sundae for the table. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge and peanuts seems simple, but these peanuts are buttered and extra salty, and the hot fudge has a malty kick that cuts through all the sugar. Hot hunks of deep fried malted milk have a zeppole-like texture and flavor that borders between sweet and savory. It’s an ideal dessert to stick a candle into and share with a big group.
Things to know: Reservations are released at 10am every day for 13 days out. If you don’t mind eating at 5pm or 9pm you shouldn’t have trouble getting a table. Try calling or emailing about being seated at the big, round table in the front window, the only one in the whole restaurant with a lazy susan.
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Cafe Spaghetti is the restaurant I’ve been waiting for my entire life. From the moment they started construction in the space, I knew was going to love everything about it. Particularly the logo’s spaghetti font.
I also love that it’s less than 5 minutes from my place, that I crave something off the menu every day and how sweet the team is — just waving to someont there instantly puts me in a better mood. It’s a Carroll Gardens gem, but I normally don’t tell friends from the city to go out of their way for it because it’s simple and homey and I don’t want to set anyone’s expectations too high. But Cafe Spaghetti does larger group dinners so well, it becomes worth traveling for. The kitchen will accommodate everyone’s dietary restrictions and subs and swaps while still churning out bitter spaghetti spritzes garnished with fat Castelvetrano olives, perfectly sized bowls of silky, sweet spaghetti pomodoro and plate-sized slices of custardy tiramisu.
Things to know: You should be able to book a table on Resy a few days in advance for a medium-sized group. If your party is bigger than 7 people, shoot the restaurant an email — they’ll set you up with a pre-fixe menu that you can design yourself. Ask for a table in the gorgeous Italian backyard.
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In Bed-Stuy is The Fly, which I love because the menu is built in twos. Chicken two ways (rotisserie and fried in a sandwich) two types of greens (Caesar salad and green beans), two styles of potato (roasted in chicken fat and french fried). There’s a green sauce and a white sauce, bread or olives to start. All of the food is very shareable, and they also have classic cocktails, a delicious wine list, a full liquor menu and a nice selection of NA drinks, so everyone at your table should be happy with this place. And if someone isn’t… they can go home. The only person who should be starting drama at your birthday is you! I’d also recommend ordering whatever specials they’re running that evening, they’re always really fun and seasonal.
Things to know: For parties as small as 8 and up to 20 people, The Fly offers a $45 dinner of rotisserie chicken and all of their sides. You can book that here. Otherwise, book through Resy for smaller groups.
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I know it’s not in Brooklyn, but just over both the Manhattan & Williamsburg bridge is my favorite place to celebrate a birthday: Wu’s Wonton King. I’ve been to dozens of birthday dinners here and even had one of my own. All of them? Perfect. One of my friends brought a full handle of whisky instead of a bottle of wine, but guess what, Wu’s doesn’t give a shit about stuff like that. Two more people are joining last minute? Oh wait, no, now it's actually going to be one less person than we thought? Wu's could not care less.
All you have to worry about here is what to order. And even that is not something worth worrying about. I like the golden fried rice with crispy, miniature dried shrimp. The crab served three ways (steamed with a salty, gingery sauce, fried into rice, deep fried) is very delicious. The wonton soup is too! Anyone who has been to Wu’s with me knows the snow pea sprouts and peking duck buns must be on my table. Last time I ate there I had a steamed tofu situation that seemed to be stuffed with shrimp shumai. I can’t say much more about it besides that I think about it all the time.
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You will leave Wu’s full, drunk, and having spent under $100, even if you pick up the birthday person's check, which you should definitely do. This is also the only place I’ll make an exception to my no outside birthday cake rule for — while I love their existence, I don't love eating the wiggly squares of mango jelly that come at the end of your meal.
Things to know: It’s BYOB. Call to make a reservation. Try to do it at least a week in advance, but a few days is usually fine. Specify if you want your table indoors or outdoors — I don’t think it makes a difference if the weather is nice.
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THE NEXT DAY
Most hungover mornings of mine can only be reversed by a long jog and large sandwich. This is still true of birthday party hangovers, but I like to treat myself to a sandwich even larger than usual, with lots of special ingredients like crunchy potato chips, herby crème fraîche, freshly baked ciabatta and housemade Russian dressing. These are some of my all time favorite post-birthday hangover sandwiches:
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The photos of this sandwich in my camera roll are horrifying. This one isn’t great either. But the Great Gatsby from Shelsky’s (they have it at both locations) is an absolute banger of a sandwich. Pastrami-smoked salmon, horseradish cream cheese and honey mustard on rye — it works, I promise.
Huge for the Leos among us…. Booking a res at cafe spaghetti as we speak 🤌🏼
Fun fact about Bonnie’s - it is named after chef/owner Calvin Eng’s mom. Bonnie’s other child, Melissa, is the longest tenured pharmacist at C.O. Bigelow (10+ years). Bonnie is an unassuming NY legend. And yes, the McRib lives up to the hype.