'Tis the season to get hammered in Midtown 🍸

Are you in the mood for a $4 pint or a $28 martini?

Well, it seems word has gotten out that I love to get drunk with my friends. Arrest me! This question comes at a great time for a few reasons, the first being that December is the one month Midtown really shines. Its department stores are decked out, both inside for shoppers and outside for window shoppers. The tree at Rockefeller Center is one of the only tourist attractions I’m not jaded about and when I go to see it, I love passing that pile of giant red ornaments down the street.

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Another reason this ask is well-timed is because, while drinking with your closest friends is fun most days of the year, today specifically is one I dedicate to doing exactly that. A lot of you guys seem to dedicate the night before Thanksgiving to meeting up with hometown friends at your hometown bar and getting blackout drunk, hence the day’s nickname, Blackout Wednesday. I spend that night at my grandparent’s house every year, so I’ve missed out on that shared experience. But tonight, the night before Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve Eve, is historically my version of that. I always spend a few nights at my parent’s apartment, right across the street from all my friends who are doing the same, so before the holidays really begin, we all escape our crowded apartments and spend hours at a bar in our hometown, which happens to be Midtown. Where will we go tonight? Well, there are a few options.

If we wanted to do a real Hells’s Kitchen bar crawl, we’d hit Mr. Biggs, where the drinks are unbelievably cheap and the wings and chicken Caesar wrap are worth ordering to take home once you’ve gotten appropriately messed up. I’ll warn you that it can get really loud and crowded in there, though. If that sounds miserable, Scruffy Duffy’s, a place I don’t go as often as I would if it had a different name, is a little more chill, has a slightly older crowd, and still has great wings. But if a great dive bar in the neighborhood is what you’re after, no one is having more fun than the people drinking at Rudy’s, where the hot dogs are free, there’s a beer called “Christmasfest,” and the pig outside is dressed like Santa:

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Except maybe at Jimmy’s Corner, a place I once pivoted to from drinks at Bemelmans, which might sound like polar opposite establishments, but both serve incredibly strong negronis in rooms that are fabulous for people watching. Jimmy’s is much tinier though — the narrow stretch of the bar’s entrance is also the actual bar where everyone stands to order a drink. Once the bartender takes your first drink order, though, you’ll push your way through old men who have been there since the afternoon and settle into the cozy back area covered in boxing memorabilia (the owner was a boxer who also owned a gym down the street). The other difference is that drinks for a group will cost the same at Jimmy’s as one cocktail at Bemelmans does.

If you go to any of these places, may I suggest ending your night with a clamshell container loaded with crispy chicken tenders and buttered Texas toast at the Times Square Raising Cane’s? There will certainly be a line, but it will be worth waiting on because 1. the food rocks and 2. the energy in here is unparalleled. Last time I was here it felt like a middle school dance: employees were grinding on each other while they mopped and teenage customers were kissing over Cane’s sauce. 10/10 establishment.

Really good Texas toast, really insane energy.

I might be in the mood to get trashed somewhere glamorous later on. If that’s the case, the aforementioned Bemelmans would be a solid spot to do so, though it’s about a mile outside of Midtown’s perimeter. Thank god there are a few places where I can show up in a hot dress and my Mary Jane heels ready to spend too much money much closer to home.

It's my duty to warn you, if you do decide to venture to Bemelmans, that the silver snack bowls of chips, nuts and cheese crackers, while very enticing, will only make your hangover much, much worse.